Your Triggers Belong to You
*Trigger warning – the word “trigger” is used a lot in this blog 😊
Yesterday, I was triggered. Really triggered.
It started early — a moment in a morning meeting where an experience just landed wrong. Later, a comment from a close friend. Then again, mid-session with a client. (Yes — even therapists get triggered. Even with all the training and self-awareness and bracketing, sometimes our stuff sneaks through the cracks.)
There was a theme behind it all. I won’t go into it here, but let’s just say my brain was on high alert for anything remotely related to this particular thread. Hypervigilance doesn’t always show up with sirens — sometimes it’s just this subtle, gnawing sense that something’s off. That you're not okay. That the ground beneath you isn't quite steady.
When We’re Triggered, Our Brain Looks Outward
The first thing most of us do when we're triggered is look around and try to locate the cause.
“I shouldn’t feel this way. Why aren’t I over this?”
“They shouldn’t have said that.”
“That look… I know what that meant.”
This is understandable. The human brain is wired for protection, and it wants to make sense of the discomfort quickly. Blame — even self-blame — gives the illusion of control. But this pathway also tends to leave us stuck. Stuck in defensiveness. Stuck in shame. Stuck in old stories that play on loop.
Here's the Hard Truth (That Also Sets Us Free)
In most cases — not all, but many — our triggers are ours.
We are triggered.
Other people don’t trigger us.
That feeling that rushes in out of nowhere — the pounding heart, the shut-down, the heat in your face, the mental static — is often an emotional flashback.
Unlike visual flashbacks, emotional flashbacks don’t come with vivid scenes or memory reels. They come with feeling states. Panic. Shame. Helplessness. Rage. Grief. Often disproportionate to the moment at hand — and often rooted in something much earlier in our lives or an insecurity just simmering under the surface.
The comment my friend made wasn’t cruel, but it hit the same nerve as a criticism I used to hold over myself — something that made me feel invisible, or too much, or unlovable.
My client’s behaviour wasn’t malicious, but it echoed a confused value system that has yet resolved.
Triggers often tie back to core wounds — beliefs like:
I’m not enough
I can’t trust people
No one sees me
I always mess things up
I’m too much to handle
These are old scripts. And when they’re activated, your body reacts as if you're right back there — 5, 10, 20 years ago.
What To Do In a Trigger: Responding to Emotional Flashbacks
Here are some ways to anchor yourself when you’re caught in the middle of it.
1. Name it: “I’m having a flashback.”
This one shift can change everything. You're not broken. You're not overreacting. You're remembering — just not consciously. Naming it helps bring your prefrontal cortex (your thinking brain) back online.
2. Get safe — physically and emotionally.
Step away. Breathe. Cancel something if you need to. You can’t work through a trigger while still swimming in the middle of it.
3. Ground yourself in the present.
Try:
Noticing five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, one you can taste.
Planting your feet firmly on the floor and pressing down slowly.
Saying: “Right now I’m safe. I’m not back there. I’m here.”
4. Soothe your nervous system, not your ego.
Often we want to mentally “solve” the trigger. But before you dissect the story or assign blame, tend to your body first. That might mean deep breathing, movement, stretching, a weighted blanket, music — whatever brings a sense of settling.
5. Get curious (later, not during).
After the intensity passes, ask:
What did that moment remind me of?
What part of me needed protection just then?
What old belief got activated?
What do I know now that I didn’t back then?
A Final Word
This isn’t about excusing harmful behaviour. Some situations are genuinely unsafe or unacceptable. But many triggers happen in emotionally neutral moments that hit an unresolved nerve. And recognising this gives you a choice.
You can pause. Step back. Check in. And respond, rather than react.
We all carry stories we didn’t write — stories shaped by trauma, attachment wounds, or early dynamics that were bigger than us. The work of healing isn’t pretending we’re never triggered again. It’s learning how to meet the moment with compassion and skill, and letting those old stories loosen their grip over time.
If emotional flashbacks are a regular part of your life, you’re not weak — you’re likely carrying something your nervous system never got the chance to properly process. Therapy can help unpack these patterns and offer support in learning how to come back to yourself, gently and safely, when you're thrown off course.